Crude Subconscious

You live across the street from me. I can hear you screaming from inside my house.

“Help! Help me!”

I fly out my back door the moment I know it is you who is calling out. I need to get to you.

I run out to the laneway I’m suddenly where I am stricken with overwhelming dizziness. The whole world starts spinning. I fall to the ground.

I try to get up but, every attempt I make is met with my head spinning out of control.

You are still screaming.

“Help me! I’m dying! I need you!”

I need to get to you. I start crawling down the rough and unfinished laneway. The gravel leaves its imprints on my hands and knees with every movement.

By the time I reach the road I am pressed flat to the ground. Pulling my body forward with only my hands, scraping off my skin with every drag. I have to get to you.

The road is covered in broken glass and garbage. My arms, knees and legs are sliced open while I heave my body along. 

You are still screaming.

I’ve finally reached your home. Tears, blood and despair are all pouring out of me.

Still, on my hands and knees, I haul my body up splintering wooden stairs.

You stand tall above me looking down. You’re laughing.

Finally regaining my equilibrium I carefully rise to my feet. Looking at you, taking you in from top to bottom, I can see that you’re completely uninjured. You don’t look like you’re in pain, or scared, or troubled in any way. In fact, you look amused.

“You look so ridiculous,” You say through laughter.

“I was trying to get to you. You said you were dying. You were screaming.”

“Yeah I know, I just wanted to see what you would do.” You said as if it was obvious. As if I didn’t have the right to be surprised. “But look at you! You’re all fucked up and bleeding everywhere. You look so stupid!” Then you laughed, threw your hands up and walked away.

Standing there, I look down to survey the wreckage of my body. Drops of blood mix with tears, staining the unfinished wood below me.

What just happened? Why would you do this to me? I tried to be there for you, but you just walked away. I’ve given you everything. You’ve offered me nothing. You take and take until I have nothing left. Until I’m left bleeding on your doorstep. No matter how much I had to sacrifice, no matter how much it hurt, I was there for you when you needed me. I put myself through hell for you. You didn’t even try to save us.

Why am I doing this?

Then I woke up.




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