We Need to Talk

Hey, I’m so glad you could see me today.

Yea, me too. Um… you sounded like you needed to talk about something.

Yea, uh, this is hard for me to say… I think we should see other people.

Oh… Ok.

I’m sorry, it’s not you. It’s…

Oh come on! I’m sorry but please don’t tell me you’re about to use the “It’s not you it’s me” line.

No, it’s not you! It’s her.

Her?

My Vagina.

… Come again?

She’s just not feeling that spark, you know? I mean, I like you. My friends like you. My parents like you. But… she’s just not feeling it.

Um… So… your vagina is breaking up with me.

Yea. She thinks you’re a great guy and I hope we can still be friends in time. You and I that is, not you and my vag.

Was it something I did?

No no, you’re great, she knows you’re great. And trust me, I tried. I really went to bat for you over this but… the vagina wants what the vagina wants.

Ok I guess. I just… I really care about you.

Aw, I like you too. If this was my choice we’d still be together but I really have no say here.

*Honk Honk*

Listen, I gotta run. She’s waiting in the car.

Your vagina is waiting in the car?!

Yea. She’s not very good at goodbyes so she wanted to sit this one out.

*Honk honk*

Oh, gotta go. But I’ll call you, we’ll do coffee sometime. Bye!